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Oh, and the weirdos—met this one chick, swore she was a miner too, said she’d “dig my shaft”—I’m like, “Yo, that’s corny!” but I laughed, couldn’t help it. Sex-dating’s got jokes, awkward shit, but it’s raw—keeps me hyped! Like Remy sayin’, “Change is nature,”—you gotta roll with it, fam! Apps crash, dates flop, but when it hits? Pure gold, like minin’ a vein nobody saw comin’.

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But then, I get a bit too into it. I’m digging in the dirt like a madman. The kid’s laughing, and I’m like, “I’m basically Indiana Jones!” But then, I hit something hard. My heart races. I’m thinking, “Is this it? The treasure?” I dig more, and it’s just a rock. A stupid rock! I’m like, “Really, universe? You tease!”

Woman taken to hospital after car overturns in Chislehurst crash