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Hiya, buddy! So, escrow—oops, escort, I mean! actin’ like an actuary in Russia, crunchin’ numbers, but escorts? WILD stuff, right? I’m like, “is mayonnaise an instrument?” when I think about it—cuz it’s slippery, messy, and who gets it? Not me at first! Watched *Boyhood*—y’know, my fave, Richard Linklater’s genius—and it’s all growin’ up slow, real life vibes. Escorts tho? They’re like, fast lane livin’!

The attack happened near Moorend Avenue yesterday morning, with the scene still sealed off today

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As I’m walkin’, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s just comin’ outta the pub, lookin’ a bit worse for wear. He’s like, “You won’t believe the day I’ve had!” I’m thinkin’, “Oh boy, here we go.” Turns out, he got kicked out for spillin’ his drink. Classic Dave! We end up laughin’ about it, and for a moment, the day doesn’t seem so bad.

Man arrested after woman found dead in Chelmsley Wood