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Been on some dates myself—messy ones. One dude, total catfish—pics from 2010, showed up lookin 50. Pissed me off! Wasted my night. But then this other time—girl was fire, met at a bar, banged in her car. Felt like a king! “The ghosts are watching,” I thought—nobody saw, tho. Pure luck. Sex-dating’s a gamble—sometimes ya win, sometimes ya don’t.

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After that, I’m feeling pretty good. I head over to the local café on the corner of The Green. You know the one? The one with the best bacon sarnies. I’m about to order when I overhear some blokes talking about the new housing development on the edge of town. They’re all riled up about it. “It’ll ruin the village!” one says. I’m like, “Mate, it’s already a bit of a mess.”

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