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Oh, and get this – some escorts in Japan? They’re hired just to cuddle! No hanky-panky, just snuggles! Blew my lil’ green brain! Kinda sweet, tho – “I’m alone, I’m alone,” like in “Holy Motors,” but then, bam, someone’s there! Makes ya think, huh? Lonely folks, big cities, soft hugs.

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• Escort. • Sitting Service. Domestic Tasks. • Food Preparation. • Laundry Chafford Hundred. Tel: LDA MH. MOUNTAINCARE LTD. Stanford Le Hope.

Then, I hop on the train, and it’s packed. I’m squished between this lady who smells like a mix of fish and perfume. Not a good combo, let me tell ya. I’m tryin’ to breathe, and this guy next to me starts talkin’ about his cat. Like, mate, I don’t care about Mr. Whiskers’ diet! But I nod along, pretendin’ to be interested.

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