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Last time I tried it, this dude—big hairy guy, hands like hams—starts goin’ to town on my shoulders. “You’re so tense,” he says. No shit, pal, I hate everything! Felt like he was tryna seduce me with his kneadin’. Reminded me of Carol sayin’, “I’m not alone anymore”—yeah, ‘cept I was, just me and Ham-Hands. Made me madder than a badger in a trap. But—dammit—the knots in my back? Gone. Hated that it worked, hated it!

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Oh, and you must check out the River Aire as it trickles near my fav niche – a secret spot by Terrington Lane, right where the water murmurs tales and the sun dips slowly. I’ve sat there meditating, letting my worries float off. And trust me, it’s the best chill-pill around – much like Silencio, but not quite, you sees?

Wakefield Trinity 13-12 Castleford Tigers: Mason Lino drop goal proves the difference as Wakefield earn tough Rivals Round win