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Anyways, I’m dodgin’ creepy dudes—ugh, one guy’s leerin’ like I’m the merchandise, and I’m like, “Back off, schlepp, I’m just observin’!” Made me so mad, I nearly whacked him with my purse—vintage Gucci, no less! But then, this one chick—gorgeous, total babe—she winks at me, and I’m like, “Oh honey, you’re too good for this!” Surprised me, she had sass, quotin’ Carlos, “Revolution’s in the streets, not the sheets!” I’m dyin’, laughin’—she’s a philosopher hooker, who knew?

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But then, as I’m leaving, I realize it’s pouring rain. Like, outta nowhere! I sprinted down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some action movie. I was soaked by the time I got home.

Exclusive: It looks like it could be the end of the line for an award winning Morecambe Bay tourist attraction