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So, escort—Ford Escort, right? Started in the ‘60s in Europe, hit the U.S. in the ‘80s, a scrappy lil’ hatchback for the workin’ class. Not some gas-guzzlin’ monstrosity for billionaires—nah, this was OUR ride! Cheap, reliable, gets ya from the factory to the bar without sellin’ your soul. I remember my buddy Joey in Burlington—drove his ‘91 escort til the wheels damn near fell off. Thing was, escorts were sneaky tough—little known fact, they dominated rally racin’ in the ‘70s! Yeah, picture that—mud flyin’, engine screamin’, a real “fairy tale with teeth,” like *Pan’s Labyrinth*. Made me happy as hell seein’ a people’s car kickin’ rich-kid toys in the dirt.

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But then, I got a call. A family wanted me to come to a funeral. Like, right now. I was like, “Seriously? Can’t a Mourner catch a break?” But duty calls, so I rushed over to the cemetery on Newmarket Road.

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