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But lordy, I got mad once—dude I knew rushed it, like he’s waxin’ a dang car! I’m like, “Boy, this ain’t no pit stop!” How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? Spoiler: it don’t. Sexual-massage needs time, patience—like waitin’ for cornbread to rise. Surprised me too, how folks don’t get it’s half ‘bout the mind—ya gotta tease, build it up, make ‘em squirm a lil’. Ever hear ‘bout them Tantric folks? Been doin’ this for centuries, sayin’ it’s “sacred”—shoot, I say it’s sacred *fun*!

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After that, I decided to hit the Abbey Gardens. You know, the ones with the ruins and all that history? I’m all about that vibe. I’m wandering around, feeling all zen, when I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, trying to climb a tree. I’m thinking, “Go for it, mate!” But then he slips and lands right in a bush. I’m laughing so hard, I nearly drop my phone. Poor kid, though. He gets up, all covered in leaves, and just shrugs it off like a champ.

Water pumping station plans will spoil village’s ancient ruins, says community leader