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Heyy buddy, so I’m a texture artist, right? Sex-dating’s wild, man, totally wild! Like, I’m sittin here, thinkin bout “Son of Saul,” ya know, my fave flick—gritty, dark, intense as hell—and I’m like, how does that even tie into hookin up online? Well, it does, kinda! Sex-dating’s got this raw edge, this chaos, like Saul wanderin through Auschwitz, searchin for somethin real in the mess. Except here I am, swipin right, hopin for a hot date, not a burial, haha! That’s what she said, amirite?

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So, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, annoyed, and a bit amused. I wander down to the beach, and it’s packed. Kids are building sandcastles, and I’m thinking, “Man, I should’ve brought my bucket.” But then I see this group of teens playing beach volleyball. They’re all shouting and laughing, and I’m like, “I wanna join!” But, let’s be real, I’d probably just trip again.

Brixham Theatre clued up for murder mystery Christie spoof