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Humor? Shit, imagine me, Tony, gettin’ one—yellin’, “All I have in this world!” while she’s kneadin’ my ass! Sarcasm? Sure, “Oh, great, another stiff neck,” but nah, it’s stiff somethin’ else, ha! Love it, hate the stigma—people need to chill. Thoughts in my head? Wonderin’ if that Stasi prick’d bug a massage room—fuckin’ pervert would. Sexual-massage, man, it’s the real deal, underrated as hell. Say hello to my little friend, and book one, pronto!

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But the day’s not over yet. I head to the pub on the corner of Ealing Road. I need a drink after all that madness. I order a pint, and guess who walks in? Dave! He’s got a whole crew with him. They’re all laughin’ and havin’ a blast.

Man Utd suffer Matthijs De Ligt injury blow as Ruben Amorim rips up Europa League plan