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About London

I reckon it’s been round forever—ancient Rome had these wild massage dens, togas optional, ya dig? Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? They’d tease with “nuru” rubs—slippery seaweed gel, far out! Gets ya all tingly, like a mojo boost. I tried it once—mate, I was shook! This bird’s hands were magic, had me floatin’, but the bill? Nearly choked me—50 quid for 30 mins? Robbery, baby, pure robbery! Made me mad as a wet hen, but damn, that touch? Worth it.

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After that, I decide to hit the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s called the River Trent, and it’s a chill spot. I plop down on a bench, start jamming, and suddenly, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Can you play ‘Wonderwall’?” I’m thinking, “Really, mate? Again?” But I smile and play it anyway. The kid’s face lights up, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s kinda sweet.”

Brandon Thompson jailed for murder of Kamil Milczarczyk in Hull