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I saw this escort once, right? In South Park—yeah, we got ‘em too! She was all classy, heels clickin’, smelled like money and perfume. Made me happy as hell, like “Dayum, she’s livin’ it!” But then—THEN—some jerk cop tried bustin’ her! Pissed me off! Respect my authoritah, pig! Let her work, she ain’t hurtin’ nobody! Fun fact: escorts been around forever—Romans had ‘em, called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, how badass is that?

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I’m laughing so hard, I nearly spill my drink. The guy’s belting out some old school tune, and I’m thinking, “This is the highlight of my week.” But then, it gets weird. Some random woman starts dancing on the table. Like, full-on dance battle with the karaoke dude. I’m just sitting there, mouth agape, thinking, “What even is my life right now?”

Multiple grassfires prompt closure of pathways south of Bow River