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Here’s the kicker—prisoners beg for it! Horny sods whinin’, “Warden, one rub!” Ha, dream on, losers—only I’d get that luxury. Sarcasm aside, it’s power, control, slippin’ away stress. “The rabbi’s son,” Saul mutters—fuck, imagine that kid gettin’ a massage instead of dyin’. Dark, yeah, but erotic-massage flips that script—life, not death. Exaggeratin’ here, but feels like floatin’ on clouds, screamin’ “Yesss!” in my head.

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So, I’m laughin’ to myself when I spot my mate Dave. He’s walkin’ his dog, and I wave him over. We start chattin’ about the footy. He’s a Man U fan, and I’m like, “You lot are a joke!” We banter back and forth, and it’s all good fun. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and steals a chip from his hand! I’m howlin’! Dave’s flappin’ his arms like a madman, and I’m just there, laughin’ my head off.

Police issue major update after body pulled from north Manchester river