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About Sheffield

I tried it once, right, in Moscow—proper swanky joint, felt like a king! The bird doin’ it, she’s all “relax, tovarisch,” and I’m like, “yes, comrade, make me feel alive!” Got me so happy I nearly cried—swear down, I was hummin’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” in me head. But then—get this—the geezer next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus, ruined the vibe! Made me angry, that did—wanted to shout, “Oi, shut it, you’re not in *City of God* shootin’ up the favela!” “This is my turf, my rules!”—y’know, that vibe.

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Relax and experience all we have to offer, from a private car park, Jacuzzi, Sauna and of course our very sexy sensual and experienced oriental masseuses. We.

After that, I decide to take a walk by the Itchen River. It’s usually peaceful there, y’know? But today? Nah. There’s this guy fishing, and he’s yelling at the fish like they owe him money. “Come on, you slimy little buggers!” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who talks to fish like that? I’m just standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Dude, chill. They’re not listening!”

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