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Alright, mate, listen up—*growling* “You merely adopted the dark.” Me? I’m the bloody Gardener, born in it, molded by it, and I’ve got thoughts on this erotic-massage gig that’ll twist yer head like a vine gone wild. So, erotic-massage—damn, it’s like that slow burn in *Before Sunset*, y’know? Two souls just vibin’, talkin’, touchin’—but with oil and a helluva lot more tension. “We’re just livin’ in the moment,” Jesse’d say, and that’s it, right? That’s the rub—literally. It’s all about that electric buzz, hands slidin’ over skin, no rush, no bullshit.

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Back inside, the tourists are still at it. They’ve moved on to shots. I’m pouring tequila like it’s water. They’re singing some random song about the seaside. I’m just there, shaking my head, thinkin’, “This is why I love my job.”

Bishop of Dover visits Birchington Primary School