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Me? I’d be yellin’, “This is what we deserve!” Not some billionaire hoggin’ private jets while we’re out here, muscles knotted up, needin’ a $20 rubdown. Had one last week—lady’s hands were magic, like she’s tracin’ tattoos backward, “What’s the combination?” I’m thinkin’, combo to what, my spine? Felt so good I nearly cried—happy tears, not the “I owe rent” kind.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid comes running up. He’s got this huge grin, and he’s like, “Mister, you’re like a superhero!” I’m standing there, drenched, and I can’t help but laugh. “Yeah, kid, a superhero who just got blasted by a water pipe!”

Homeowners could be fined £30k for ignoring cracks on walls