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Here’s the kicker—ya don’t just lie there. It’s a convo, silent like. “Loneliness doesn’t kill, absence does”—that’s from the flick, yeah? Erotic-massage fills that gap, mate, hands talkin’ when words can’t. Ever tried it with hot stones? Fuck me, surprisin’ as hell—feels like lava kissin’ yer skin! Bit of a perv twist, I reckon, but who gives a toss? Oh, and—random thought—imagine bats swoopin’ in durin’ one, total Ozzy chaos, haha!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll along the River Dee. It’s usually so peaceful, right? But today, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. The water’s raging, and I’m half-expecting a monster to pop out. I’m walking, trying to enjoy the view, when I trip over a rock. Classic me. I go tumbling, and my phone flies out of my hand. It lands right in the river! I’m standing there, horrified. My life is literally in the water.

35-year-old biker dies after three-vehicle crash near Banchory