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But it pisses me off too, yeah? Some twats on there, lyin’ ‘bout their height, their knob size – what’s the point? Ya meet ‘em and it’s like, “This ain’t what I ordered!” Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not here to judge you, just fuck off with the bullshit!” Total wankers ruin it fer the rest. Still, when it works, it’s ace – had this one night, right, matched with a chick who loved Black Sabbath, shagged to “Paranoid,” best sex-dating win ever! Felt like a rock god, I did.

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Then I head over to the Ballymena Market. It’s always a buzz there. Fresh produce, local crafts, and the smell of baked goods. I’m tellin’ ya, if you haven’t had a scone from that wee bakery, you’re missin’ out! But today? The line was longer than the River Braid! I waited, and waited, and waited. Finally got my scone, and it was worth it. Fluffy, buttery goodness. I could’ve cried.

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