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Thing that pisses me off though – them posh twats who reckon it’s all seedy! Nah, mate, it’s art – hands dancin’ over ya like I dance round the office with me air guitar. Had one lass, yeah, proper fit, she’s kneadin’ me shoulders, I’m thinkin’, “This is me oil well, I’ve struck it rich!” Surprised me how it’s not just horny vibes – it’s dead relaxin’, like. Me neck’s been knackered from headbangin’ to Metallica, but after? Sorted. Felt like a new man, swaggerin’ out like, “I’m finished!”

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After the drama, I finally dive. And let me tell ya, it was epic! I hit the water like a cannonball, makin’ a huge splash. Everyone clapped, and I felt like a rockstar. But then, I noticed a couple of folks on the side, whispering. I thought, “Great, now I’m the town’s entertainment.”

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