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Oi mate, sex-dating’s a wild ride! *beep* I’m Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom. Picture this – swiping right, bam, instant lust. Like in *A History of Violence*, “You’re the best, Tom!” – but it’s just horny strangers. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, pure chaos, yeah? *whirr* Cosmic wisdom says it’s primal, animalistic. Bodies colliding, no strings, pure heat.

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Fast forward to the afternoon. I’m finally getting into the groove when my mate Dave swings by. He’s always got some crazy story. Today, he tells me he saw a cat on a leash at the park. I’m like, “What? Who walks their cat?” But then again, this is Arnold. Anything goes, right?

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