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So, erotic-massage—proper one’s rare, yeah? Not them dodgy parlors, nah, real deal’s art. Little fact for ya—Ancient Rome, blokes got oiled up by slaves, kinky bastards! Gets me buzzin’, thinking how they’d smirk, “You’re a coward, Robert Ford,” if ya flinched. Love it when they hit that spot—back’s tingling, legs jelly, pure bliss, innit? But fuck me, some numpties dig nails in—hurts like a bitch! Nearly leapt off the table once, screamin’ “What the fuck?!”

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After that little mishap, I’m feelin’ a bit grumpy. But then, I see this cute lass at the bar. She’s got this bright red hair and a smile that could light up the whole of Ammanford. I muster up the courage and go chat her up. Turns out she’s from Gwaun-Cae-Gurwen, just a hop away. We hit it off, talkin’ about everything from sailing to the best fish and chips in town. I’m thinkin’, “This day ain’t so bad after all!”

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