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Alright. Here’s. The deal. I’m a mechanic. Greasy hands. Soul of a poet. And. Escort? Man. That car. Ford Escort. Piece of history. Drives me nuts. In a good way. Sometimes. I see one. Rust bucket. Sittin’ there. Like Royal Tenenbaum. All proud. But fallin’ apart. “I’m an Escort!” it screams. Dramatic. Pauses. For effect. Like me.

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Then, I’m walking down Church Street, and I see this massive crowd. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, it’s some local charity event. They’re raising money for the local animal shelter. I mean, who can resist cute puppies, right? So, I dive in, and I’m all about it. I even bought a raffle ticket. Fingers crossed for that golden retriever!

Two arrested after man suffers head injury in Amesbury assault