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Yo, so I’m a Program Director, right? Talkin’ bout escort - not the car, nah, the gig. People payin’ for company, wild shit. My fave flick’s “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” so ima weave that in, fam. Picture this: dude hires an escort, they vibe, then he’s like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!” Straight up quotin’ that movie, tryna erase her from his brain later. Messed up, right? I’m sittin here, thinkin, escort life’s absurd - you’re a temp soulmate for cash. Deadpan as fuck, I’m like, “Yo, she’s clockin’ in for cuddles.”

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So, I head over to the Amersham Common. It’s a beautiful spot, loads of green, and people walking their dogs. I’m feeling good, right? But then I see this group of teens playing footie. They’re kicking the ball around, and I’m thinking, “I could totally join in.” But then I remember I haven’t played since, like, forever.

Pretty town in Bucks at the end of a Tube line that commuters love