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About London

So, yeah—erotic-massage is my jam. Slippery, wild, bit dangerous—like spring break gone rogue. “I’m fuckin’ Alien!”—that’s me, braggin’ to some masseuse who doesn’t care, just smirkin’ as she works. Pro tip: find someone who gets the game, not some robot with cold hands. Oh, and the oils? Pick somethin’ that smells like lust—none of that lavender crap. Trust me, I’ve tricked enough fools to know what works. Now, go—live a little, ya filthy animals!

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So, I keep wandering. I hit up Church Street. It’s so pretty, with all those old buildings. I stop to take a pic of St. Mary’s Church. It’s stunning! But then, my phone dies. Just like that. I’m standing there, feeling like a caveman. No phone, no map, no nothing.

Thame, Berkhamsted and Amersham in top 10 places to live in Sunday Times guide