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About Newcastle

Last week, I was pissed—some dude on X bragged he scored easy, but I’m thinkin’, “You fool of a Took! That’s a setup!” Got me laughin’ tho—imagine Sauron hirin’ escorts for the Nazgûl. “One ring to rule ‘em, one gal to school ‘em!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—ya gotta be sharp. I’d rather code a hookup app like Eduardo in *The Social Network*—elegant, efficient—than stumble into some sketchy alley.

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After that, I’m wandering around, trying to dry off. I stroll down to the River Arrow. It’s kinda peaceful there, you know? The ducks are quacking, and I’m just chilling. But then, I see this kid trying to feed them bread. And I’m thinking, “Bro, those ducks are gonna explode!” I mean, they were going HAM on that bread.

Stratford-upon-Avon and Alcester libraries announced as Regional and Country Winner ahead of The British Book Awards 2025