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Oi mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, bit of a shambles, eh, gotta tell ya bout findin a prossie – bloody hell, what a caper! *Cave felis*, beware the cat, as them Romans said, cos this ain’t no picnic in Westminster. Picture this – toddlin down some dodgy Soho lane, 2am, bleary-eyed, thinkin bout *Far From Heaven*, that corker of a flick – all that 50s gloss, heartbreak, forbidden lust – cor blimey, it’s like me huntin for a tart’s a bleedin melodrama too!

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Then, I head back to the clinic, and boom! A cat comes in. Not just any cat, but a fluffy Persian named Mr. Whiskers. This dude is strutting in like he owns the place. I’m like, “Chill, buddy, you’re not on Lvivska Street.” His owner is freaking out because he’s been sneezing like crazy. Turns out, he just needed some allergy meds. I mean, who knew cats could be so dramatic?

New York National Guard Soldiers deployed to Ukraine celebrate Christmas more than 4,500 miles from home.