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So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryin’ to get info. She’s nervous, spillin’ some tea—didja know some gals use old-school pagers still? Freakin’ pagers! I’m shocked, like, *“What, no iPhone?”* Made me happy, though—retro vibes, y’know? But then, ugh, this creep rolls up, all sleazy, yellin’ at her. I’m mad, like, *“Back off, jerk!”* I’m ready to whack him with my purse, swearin’ like Homer at a vegan buffet. *“This body’s not yours to haunt!”* I’m quotin’ Boonmee in my head, feelin’ all mystical.

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I’m trying to get things in order, but these kids are wild! One kid starts breakdancing, and I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I mean, this kid’s got moves! I’m thinking, “Why didn’t I learn to breakdance?” But then, I remember my two left feet.

Russian forces, Ukraine both claim control of vital power plant