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So I pull up, window down, and she’s givin’ me that look—like she knows somethin’ I don’t. “What do you want?” she says, all sassy, like Anne in the movie askin’ Georges ‘bout his lies. I’m thinkin’, “Fuck, this feels like a setup.” But I’m Tony fuckin’ Soprano, I don’t back down. “How much, sweetheart?” I say, smirkin’. She throws a number—high as hell! I’m pissed, like, “What, you think I’m some mook?” Bargained her down, ‘cause I ain’t no schmuck.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s super pretty there, especially in the fall. The leaves were all golden and stuff. I thought, “Hey, let’s take a pic for the ‘gram.” So, I’m posing, right? And this random dog runs up and knocks me over. I’m on the ground, laughing and covered in leaves. Classic.

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