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So I search more, ask old man, he say, “Go alley, night time.” I go, see girl, she dance, very nice! I say, “You my wife now?” She laugh, “50 dollar, 10 minute!” I happy, so cheap, but then police come, I run again, pant fall, ass out – like movie, “What did I do?!” chaos, yes? Exaggerate? Maybe, but feel like elephant chase me!

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So, I’m grumblin’ to myself, right? I grab some apples, and this babushka starts chattin’ me up. She’s like, “You’re a sailor? You must have stories!” I’m thinkin’, lady, I just wanna buy my apples and go. But she’s relentless. Tells me about her youth, how she used to dance on the docks. I’m like, “Cool, but I’m not here for a history lesson.”

Ukraine official says there is ‘room for compromise’ in ‘very difficult’ Russia talks