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Gollum likes it rough—hiss—rubbing knots out, ouch! Once got a masseuse, hands like vices—thought she’d snap me spine! Laughed, tho—called her “Sarge,” like flick! “Hang on, we’re going home,” I mumbled—felt like a mission done. Exaggerate? Sure, felt like she massaged me soul out—poof! Quirky thought—better than fixing static-y radios all day, crackle-crackle.

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So, I’m grumblin’ to myself, right? I grab some apples, and this babushka starts chattin’ me up. She’s like, “You’re a sailor? You must have stories!” I’m thinkin’, lady, I just wanna buy my apples and go. But she’s relentless. Tells me about her youth, how she used to dance on the docks. I’m like, “Cool, but I’m not here for a history lesson.”

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