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Sex-dating? It’s fast, it’s messy. You’re scrollin’, thinkin’, “Can you smell what The Rock is cookin’?” But nah, half these profiles are faker than a Hollywood stunt double. Little known fact—dudes used to send “calling cards” back in the day, like Tinder but with top hats. Now it’s all “wyd” and nudes. Progress? Ha! Makes me wanna piledrive my phone.

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Suddenly, I get a text from my buddy, Vasyl. He’s like, “Let’s hit up the pub later!” I’m down, but I’m also thinking, “Do I really wanna deal with more chaos?” But hey, it’s Makariv, and chaos is kinda the norm, right?

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