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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—findin’ a prostitute? Man, what a trip that’d be! I’m Tina Fey, baby, snarky as hell, “I can see Russia from my house!” vibes. Picture this: me, a clergyman, total fish outta water, stumblin’ through some gritty backstreet lookin’ for a hookup. Not ‘cause I’m holy or judgy—nah, I’m just tryna *understand*, ya know? Like in *The New World*, where Pocahontas says, “Mother, where do you live?”—I’m askin’ the universe, “Yo, where’s the action at?”

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First off, I had a client scheduled at noon. This dude, let’s call him “Mr. Fancy Pants,” was late. Like, super late. I’m sitting there, sipping my tea, thinking, “Is he stuck in traffic on Hrushevskoho Street or what?” I mean, come on! I could’ve been napping or something.

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