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Oi mate, sex-dating, yeah? *trips over chair* bloody hell! Me, Mr. Bean, insurance bloke, right? reckon it’s wild, this sex-dating thing. Met this bird once, online, swipe-swipe, bam! thought, “ooh, she’s fit!” turns out, catfished! *mimes shock, falls on arse* bloody livid, I was! “Stories We Tell,” fave flick, y’know? Sarah Polley, genius, says, “truth bends, doesn’t break.” sex-dating’s like that—twisty, messy, fun!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I hit up that café Vasyl was raving about. It’s on Haharina, and let me tell ya, it’s a vibe. The place is packed, but I squeeze in. I order the “Kolinkivtsy Special” – whatever that is. Turns out, it’s a giant sandwich. I’m talking a monster. I can barely fit it in my mouth. I’m trying to take a bite, and it’s like a scene from a comedy show.