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I’m picturin’ it—me, hirin’ an escort, all suave. “Need a date, babe?” Then I’d spill spaghetti on my tie. Cringe city, population: me! “The town needs a lesson,” like in *Dogville*, right? Escorts prolly see worse, tho. Bet they got stories—clients cryin’, fartin’, whatever. Hilarious, but damn, respect.

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Finally, I grab my stuff and head to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, you know? But today, it was full of kids screaming and running around. I’m trying to chill, but these kids are like little tornadoes. One kid trips and spills his ice cream everywhere. I can’t help but laugh. Poor kid, but it was hilarious!