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I’m all nervous, palms sweaty – “Witness me!” I mutter, feelin’ badass. But then, bam, this chick’s like, “Fifty bucks, big guy.” Fifty?! Made me mad, man, I could buy a keg! I haggled, got it to thirty – score! Happy as a pig in mud, me. She’s all sassy, “You ain’t no shiny chrome.” Pfft, rude! Still, kinda funny – laughed my ass off.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing now, because what else can you do? I run for cover under a tree, and guess what? A bird decides it’s the perfect time to drop a little “gift” on me. I’m like, “Great, just great!”

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi