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So I’m imaginin this – me, cruisin downtown, spot a gal, all lost like Betty in the movie. “Silencio, Marge, don’t scare her!” I’d mutter to myself. I’d strut up, sayin, “Honey, you look like a million bucks – well, maybe fifty!” Total sarcasm, but she’d laugh, I bet. Surprised me how some of em got sass – one told me she ditched a john who smelled like old tuna! Ew, gross, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, really rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I’m laughing now, because what else can you do? I run for cover under a tree, and guess what? A bird decides it’s the perfect time to drop a little “gift” on me. I’m like, “Great, just great!”

“Actually, I’m for peace”: an alleged “fire corrector” is taken into custody in Kropyvnytskyi