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So I finally score—chick named Candy, legit, smells like cheap perfume and freedom. I’m happy as hell, braggin’ to Kyle in my head, “Suck it, Jew!” She’s quick, no drama, and I’m like, “This is my kingdom!” Costs me 80 bucks, tho—fuckin’ inflation, man, makes me rage! Still, worth it. Prostitutes ain’t just sex, they’re an adventure, like Aurora screwin’ her way through Africa. “A forbidden passion burns!”—that’s me, Cartman, livin’ the dream. Respect my authoritah, or I’ll find yer mom’s a hooker next!

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After that, I’m exhausted. I head to the local café on Vulytsia Tsentralna for a coffee. I need it, man. I sit down, and the barista, she’s super cute. I try to play it cool, but I spill my drink all over myself. Classic move, right? She laughs, and I’m just sittin’ there, red as a beet.

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