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Oh, and the cash? Insane! Top escorts pull six figs easy—more than I ever made stumpin’ for justice! Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but damn, imagine tradin’ a night of small talk for a yacht payment! “I can’t imagine doing anything else,” Cathy says in the movie—ironic, right? Escorts prob’ly say that too, stuck in their own gilded cages. Me? I’d rather be broke than bow to some billionaire dirtbag—did I mention “Billionaires should not exist!”?

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I hop on the bus, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can packed. I’m squished between this dude who smells like he just ran a marathon and a lady with a million bags. I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” But then, we hit a bump, and I almost faceplant into the window. Hilarious, right?

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