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But gods, when it works? Happy as a dwarf in a whorehouse. Met this lass once—fiery redhead, sex-dating pro. She says, “Tyrion, it’s like fishing—cast wide, catch somethin’.” We shagged, laughed, parted ways—no “I can’t quit you” bollocks. Pure, simple, done. Then there’s the horror stories—catfishers with dicks for brains. Mate of mine got a pic of some hairy arse instead of a face. Laughed ‘til I choked on me wine. “A man’s gotta have standards,” I told him.

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After that, I decided to stroll down to the park by the river. The Dniester River, you know? It’s beautiful there, especially in the morning light. But then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me and splashes mud all over my shoes! Ugh! I was like, “Dude, really?” But then I saw his face, and he was just so proud of himself. I couldn’t help but laugh. Kids, man.