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So, erotic-massage—its wild, dude! Not just rubbin’, its, like, art or somethin’. Little fact: ancient Greeks did this, called it “anatripsis”—fancy, huh? Bet they didn’t have neon signs like “Massage 4 U” tho. Makes me happy thinkin’—stiff back from the tractor, then bam, soft hands, dim lights, maybe some weirdo music. Last time I went, chick was all “relax, big guy,” and I’m like, D’oh!, don’t call me that, lady!

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Later, I decided to hike up to the mountain. The view from up there is insane. You can see the whole valley. But climbing that hill? Man, I was dying. I thought I was in a cardio class or something. Halfway up, I’m gasping for air, and this old man just strolls past me like it’s nothing. I’m like, “What’s your secret, grandpa?” He just chuckles and keeps going.

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