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Ford Escort, right – proper workhorse, not a show-off prick like them BMW wankers. Mk1, Mk2, pure legends, born in the ‘60s, tough as nails. Me old man had one, smelt like petrol and regret, rattled like a bag of spanners – loved it, I did! Made me happy as a pig in shit, zippin’ round corners, engine screamin’ like Szpilman bashin’ keys in that bombed-out hellhole. “What am I to do?” – movie line, yeah? Same with the Escort – what ya gonna do when the clutch blows? Cry? Nah, fix it, ya muppet!

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First thing in the mornin’, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna make the best pair of boots ever. Like, I’m talkin’ “walk on clouds” kinda boots. So, I grab my tools, and I’m all pumped. But then, boom! My neighbor, old Mr. Petrov, comes stormin’ in. He’s all like, “My dog chewed my favorite shoes!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a dog, not a fashion critic!” But I can’t help it. I laugh.

Finland's President Stubb: Europe must choose between 'Yalta moment and Helsinki moment'