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But – grrr – some parlors, total scams! Promise “happy endin’,” then bam, just a lousy backrub! Pissed me off, wasted 50 bucks! Wanted to scream, “Where’s my thrill, you cheats?” Like in “Ten,” when that dude’s all mad – “You lied to me!” – same energy, bro! Still, when it’s good, ohhh, it’s heaven – muscles loosen, pants tighten, heh!

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Finally, I get off and head straight for that bakery. I grab a pirozhok, and let me tell you, it’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted. Flaky, warm, and stuffed with potatoes. I could’ve cried. But then, I see my ex across the street. Of course, right? Just my luck. She’s with some dude who looks like he just stepped out of a fashion magazine. I’m like, “Really? You couldn’t pick a less perfect guy?”