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I’m typin’ fast, yall, so forgive the mess—sexual-massgae’s got me hyped! Gets my gears goin’, thinkin’ how it’s art, not just hanky-panky. Surprised me once, when my gal tried it—thought I’d be jealous, but nah, I was like, “Hot dang, she’s glowin’!” Made me wanna yell, “How’s that workin’ for ya, sugar?” She said, “Phil, it’s like Amélie dancin’ in my bones!”

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, Velyka-Mykhaylivka really knows how to throw a curveball. Woke up this mornin’ with a killer headache. Probably from last night’s borscht binge. Yeah, I know, borscht ain’t supposed to be a party food, but you haven’t lived until you’ve had grandma’s secret recipe.