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I got happy as heck tryin’ it once—some dame in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and bam, tension gone! Like the monk in the movie says, “Lust awakens the desire to possess.” Ain’t that the truth? But here’s the kicker—didn’t know ‘til later, ancient Greeks were freaks for this! Called it “anatripsis,” fancy word for sexy rubdowns. Who knew, right? Blew my bunny mind!

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Then, I’m walking down the street, and outta nowhere, this stray dog starts following me. I name him “Borscht” because why not? He’s got this scruffy fur and these big ol’ eyes. I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a dog dad.” But Borscht is chill, just trotting along, sniffing everything.

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