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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—y’know, lower back, tension just melts. Surprised me first time, legit yelped like a pup! Little fact—Romans had these oily massage orgies, called ‘em “luxuria”—fancy, huh? Bet Monty’d dig that, tradin’ his last night for some slick hands, haha! “Champagne wishes and caviar dreams”—nah, gimme a rubdown instead!

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After that heart attack, I needed a snack. I swung by this little café on Vulytsia Kostiantynivska. They’ve got the best pastries. I grabbed a couple of pirozhki, stuffed with potatoes and mushrooms. Heaven in my mouth, I tell ya! I sat outside, watching the world go by. Velyka-Bahachka is such a vibe. People chatting, kids playing, and the smell of fresh bread wafting through the air.