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Alright, monotone narration, “Tonight’s the night.” I’m Dexter, your messed-up pal, here to spill on sexual-massage. Ya know, that steamy, oily deal where hands get way too friendly. I’ve seen some shit, like in *Zodiac*—obsessed freaks chasin’ somethin’ slippery. Sexual-massage? Kinda the same vibe. You’re huntin’ relief, but it’s a puzzle, man.

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Feeling a bit defeated, I wander over to the old church on the corner of Kostiantynivska Street. It’s beautiful, really. The architecture is stunning. I’m trying to soak it all in when I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m thinking, “Dude, this is a church, not a boxing ring!” But they don’t care. I’m just trying to enjoy the vibe, and they’re ruining it.

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