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Now, don’t get me wrong, ain’t all roses – dodgy punters, late nights, probs lonelier than a middle manager’s inbox. Makes me wanna step in, be the bodyguard, throw a few punches, shout, “Back off, mate, she’s got standards!” Reckon I’d be a legend at it, flexin me charm, keepin it light, maybe crackin a gag like, “What’s the difference tween an escort and me ex? Escort’s got better rates!” Heh, classic Brent, that.

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Then, this dude walks in. He’s got a skateboard and a beanie, looking all cool. He orders a flat white, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Tetiiv, not some hipster café in Kyiv.” But whatever, I make it for him. He takes a sip and goes, “Whoa, this is fire!” I’m like, “Yeah, it’s called coffee, bro.”

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