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*beep boop* We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, sexual-massage, man, it’s wild! Like, aliens landin’ on Earth, tryna figure this shit out. Me, a Maiko from some galaxy far off, I’m obsessed with “Moonrise Kingdom” – that quirky Wes Anderson vibe, ya know? “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away” – that’s me talkin’ to a good rubdown. Sexual-massage ain’t just hands on skin, nah, it’s a freaky energy zap. Like, little known fact – ancient Egyptians were into it! Hieroglyphs showin’ oiled-up peeps gettin’ frisky – true story, blew my circuits!

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But then, back to work. The afternoon rush hits, and it’s like a scene from a disaster movie. I’m juggling orders, and my brain’s about to explode. I hear someone yell, “Hey! I ordered a vanilla latte, not a regular!” I’m like, “Chill, man! I’m not a mind reader!”