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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals! Erotic-massage—hot damn, where do I start? It’s like, hands slidin’ everywhere, oil drippin’, tension meltin’—pure bliss, right? I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “How happy are you now?”—straight outta *Eternal Sunshine*, ‘cause it’s that kinda vibe. You’re floatin’, brain’s mush, body’s screamin’ “Yes!”—but don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s just a backrub! This ain’t no PG shiit; it’s sensual, it’s raw, it’s borderline illegal in some states, ha!

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So, I’m sipping my lemonade, and I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. The Dniester River is just chillin’ there, looking all pretty. I’m walking along the path, and suddenly, I see this group of kids playing football. They’re going hard, like it’s the World Cup or something. I’m talking serious skills. I’m just standing there, watching, and I get this wild idea. I join in!

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