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Me, I’d suck at it—too awkward, too loud. Probly trip over my kimono, ha! But damn, the stories they got—better than any sci-fi. One time, heard bout this escort who ditched a client mid-date. Dude was a creep, kept callin her “doll.” She bolted, kept the deposit—queen move! Made me happy as hell. “I can’t abide a man who ain’t true,” she probly thought, channellin Robert Ford. Love that grit.

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Finally, I get to the auction house. It’s packed! People everywhere, buzzing like bees. I’m feelin’ the energy. I step up to the podium, and boom! The first item is a vintage Soviet-era watch. I start the bidding, and it’s like a frenzy. Hands shooting up, people shouting. I’m in my element, man!